January 2020 | Where your heart is now

How I overcame PPD/PPA

January 23, 2020

Skirt: Chicwish c/o
Tank: Motherhood Maternity, similar here
Bralette: Free People
Sandals: Nordstrom, similar here
Necklace: Evereve
Boho cuff: Victoria Emerson c/o

I have so many photos I never posted from when I was pregnant so I wanted to share these with you guys. I miss this warm weather and loved these easy outfits. I loved tying a tank over to the side and pairing it with a fun skirt like this one from Chicwish. They have so many cute leopard pieces I will link below for you guys. 

This is one of the most personal posts I have ever written. I debated back and forth about sharing. I am being very vulnerable but I hope that this might help other mamas who have felt the same. Let me start off by saying "Postpartum Depression" is defined as a 'type of mood disorder associated with childbirth that can affect both sexes.

Symptoms may include:
- extreme sadness
- low energy
- anxiety
- crying episodes
- irritability or changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- brain fog
- lack of motivation
- feelings of guilt, inadequacy or worthlessness
- physical discomforts like muscle aches or headaches
- irritability or agitation
- lashing out at others
- fear of not being a good mom or dad

Just because you have Postpartum Depression does not mean you are "depressed." I feel like this is the biggest misconception.

Also I do want to say, this is my personal experience as a new mom. I'm not saying what I do is the best or trying to tell you what to do, I just want to share and help.

When we brought Easton home from the hospital, the first few days were kind of like a high. We were so sleep deprived but we were so excited we finally had him. We would stay up all night and watch Twilight movies on end, we would both just stare at him and we both thought we had to be up when he was- which was all night, lol. We honestly didn't know what the hell we were doing (first time parents).

I have said from the beginning I wanted to breastfeed which I'm proud to say I've made it 11 weeks and 2 days in counting and am still going lol. I love it. However in the very beginning (it's weird saying "the beginning" because it still is but you know what I mean), he was eating every hour it felt like. As much as Justin wanted to help, there was really nothing he could do. I would feed Easton, lay him down, go take a shower then he wanted to eat again, it was completely normal for a baby but I was exhausted.

I remember one night I was up feeding him at 12am, 1am, 2am, 3am, 5am and 7am. I woke Justin up crying because I was so mentally and physically exhausted. I want to be the best mom I can be to my child but as a functioning human, I need a little sleep, ya know?

I would nurse him and look down and just start crying. I was so extremely beyond over the moon happy I finally had my baby but I felt like I was "sucking" as a mom. Or so I thought. I was anxious, googling everything, questioning everything I did, comparing myself to other moms and their babies, it made me so sad.

Once I became a mom it was like a gained a new piece in my heart. I started noticing every mom and their babies. I saw complete strangers differently. I remember seeing a mom by herself pushing a grocery cart with a baby carrier while trying to hold her toddler and her purse. I was driving but I just thought why is no one helping her?? I would have never noticed this prior to having Easton. It was amazing I was noticing other moms more but it just showed my emotions were working in overtime.

When the nurse talked to us about PPD in the hospital, I told Justin and even thought "this will never happen to me." We have waited so long and this is all I've ever wanted.

We went to our first month checkup and they made me take a test. It was just a paper form with questions about Postpartum depression. I ended up circling enough questions yes that leaned me on the side that was closer to PPD/PPA. I hugged Justin and just cried. Why was I feeling this way? I love Easton so much?? None of this makes sense? I was not depressed. I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I was anxious. I was emotional. Plus having a baby in the dead of winter in Ohio where it gets dark at 4:30-5 isn't exactly dream "baby time". I wanted to take walks with him, go visit friends, etc. and we literally couldn't leave the house because it was so freezing.

Our doctor said he could prescribe me with a SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor). This would be used as an antidepressant. This is not thie route I wanted to take. I was put on one in high school which led to me continuing to take it in college and it really messed with my hormones. The second I knew I wanted to have a baby I stopped taking it and have never wanted to be on any since.

I told the doctor no and instead Justin and I talked about other things I could do to make me feel better. I started taking Vitamin D everyday, I started making time to do something for myself everyday even if it was taking a walk or going to Target, I started journaling everyday and I downloaded the "Calm" app.

The number one thing that helped me get through the PP depression was support. Talking to friends, family and other moms. Once I started talking about it and doing the other things listed above I felt like a new human. I think a lot of moms are afraid to talk about this topic on social media because they don't want judged. You already get judged by how you raise your child and the last thing you want people to think about you is that you are a loose cannon.

I am here to tell you, there's not one mom out there that is "perfect." And guess what? That's perfectly fine! Your baby does not need you to be perfect, they just need you. You are amazing and your little one is soooo lucky to have YOU as a mama. Give yourself grace girlfriend. You are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here! XO

Thank you so much to Chicwish for sponsoring today's post! 

Latest Instagrams

© Where your heart is now. Design by FCD.